A Break From….. Fuck It I’m Having a Rant

Begin rant This post has not been edited, but rather left in its raw form.

Well, in oddly poetic fashion, the original Fuck it I’m having a rant post published itself without me even clicking anything. My subsequent attempts to retrieve said rant were successful, and so here I am, steam is bursting out of my ears and my blood pressure would probably show me as being dead already.

My week started bad, but has progressively gotten worse until I melted down completely and came this close to throwing my irritating neighbour through the wall. Not that she wouldn’t deserve it, it was more the wall I felt guilt about.

It turns out that I am a bit of a control freak. No, that is wrong, I have discovered that I freak out when I no longer have control. I am not the ‘my way or the highway’ kind of guy, far from it, but I like to have some control over the things that affect me. This house move seems to have all taken place without my control and I cannot take it. The house, although I haven’t seen it since the decorating started – I have been working and doing the cleaning up of the crap in the current flat as I have the car and license to take it all away – but I know it has gone well. I have no doubt it looks great, but at the same time, I cannot shake this gnawing little bastard that sits on my shoulder and whispers to me. I think he is a cousin of that other little imp Doubt. (those that remember that post of mine will know the little blighter I am referring to)

I guess the severe lack of sleep I have had this week also plays a part. My daughters new life motto seems to be ‘sleep is for the weak.’ I have been up since 3.30 this morning and will probably not get to bed before 23:00 and then the alarm goes off at 4.50 again tomorrow.

Well, this post has helped, and after I took out my frustration on a coffee cup yesterday – I did drink the coffee first, I’m not going to waste such liquid gold. – I feel much more like my old self.

I haven’t written a word all week, but I hope that I will get something written down tonight. I think my separation from writing is also a factor. It is my therapy, and helps keep me grounded. I don’t have any real world friends in my life. Not the kind you can just pop round to visit or take for a beer, and so my writing is the substitute. Blogging helps to an extent, but fiction gives you that ability to do whatever it is you want to whoever.

If you have read this far through my post, I would like to assure you I am not some crazy man. A neurotic mess maybe, but crazy, certainly not. I am just …. sleepy.

Tomorrow we shall return to our normal broadcasting.


End of Rant

(You guys should have seen the profanity ridden first draft – first draft of this second draft)

12 thoughts on “A Break From….. Fuck It I’m Having a Rant

    1. Normally I am very easy going. I just let stuff wash over me, but it seems that the control issue is certainly a catalyst. Even more strange that it isn’t a dominance thing, but more of a peace of mind thing. Thanks for commenting.

  1. For what it’s worth I get much the same way, especially when stupid people are around me. I tend to curse worse than a sailor’s worst nightmare when I’m in a mood. Hope you feel better. 🙂

    1. I feel better for having vented and also feel better knowing it isn’t just me. People say swearing is a lack of vocabulary… I tell them to shut the …. no, I am calm. 🙂 Thanks for dropping by.

  2. Chin up Alex! Life will return to normal… eventually. For the moment Murphy’s Law is in full swing but the bastard will run out of steam soon. Just think about how great it will be to have a real office that you can retreat to!

    I completely empathize re the not writing. I’ve been writing nothing but blogs for 6 long weeks and while the blogs and group discussions have been fun I hate the feeling of not writing anything /real/ 😦

    1. 6 weeks :s that is a long stretch. I didn’t get anything done last night but feel much better. I do have some good news for you though. You comment on my Author Interview was the best. A copy of A Thirty Something girl is all yous. I will send you the codes and things you need in a few moment. 🙂

      1. Wow…seriously? lol you have made my day! Thank you 😀 I should also say thank you for this rant. The reason I haven’t been writing was because I was waiting for the editor to get back to me but today I thought…dammit I hate being in limbo so I’ll start looking at it with ‘fresh eyes’ myself. So thanks twice over 🙂

  3. Hang in there, Alex. I hope things get better soon. You caught my attention with the 3:30 am alarm. I supervise the Packaging Floor for Sun-Maid Raisin Growers of California (if you are familiar with the lady on the red box). My alarm has me up at 3:00 am and I am in the office by 4:00 am. I lean on coffee, but for the most part am accustomed to it.
    Take care.


    1. Hi James,

      Thanks for commenting. Normally my alarm goes off at 5 am, my daughter provided the 3.30 am call. My office hours start at 7.30. I get up earlier to write before work. Although recently my kids have been awake before my alarm and so no writing was done.
      I am sure things will get better soon, everything moves in peaks and troughs and my mood is no exceptption. One evening / period of good writing and I will be a different person entirely 🙂

  4. We all rant, Ankur, and I rant to my best friends, who love me enough to love me anyway. I don’t often rant in public but that takes guts, Alex. I swear, I swear in my books, I swear too much. It’s not a lack of vocabulary. It enhances my ____ work, I swear it does. Keep it up.

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