Begin rant This post has not been edited, but rather left in its raw form.
Well, in oddly poetic fashion, the original Fuck it I’m having a rant post published itself without me even clicking anything. My subsequent attempts to retrieve said rant were successful, and so here I am, steam is bursting out of my ears and my blood pressure would probably show me as being dead already.
My week started bad, but has progressively gotten worse until I melted down completely and came this close to throwing my irritating neighbour through the wall. Not that she wouldn’t deserve it, it was more the wall I felt guilt about.
It turns out that I am a bit of a control freak. No, that is wrong, I have discovered that I freak out when I no longer have control. I am not the ‘my way or the highway’ kind of guy, far from it, but I like to have some control over the things that affect me. This house move seems to have all taken place without my control and I cannot take it. The house, although I haven’t seen it since the decorating started – I have been working and doing the cleaning up of the crap in the current flat as I have the car and license to take it all away – but I know it has gone well. I have no doubt it looks great, but at the same time, I cannot shake this gnawing little bastard that sits on my shoulder and whispers to me. I think he is a cousin of that other little imp Doubt. (those that remember that post of mine will know the little blighter I am referring to)
I guess the severe lack of sleep I have had this week also plays a part. My daughters new life motto seems to be ‘sleep is for the weak.’ I have been up since 3.30 this morning and will probably not get to bed before 23:00 and then the alarm goes off at 4.50 again tomorrow.
Well, this post has helped, and after I took out my frustration on a coffee cup yesterday – I did drink the coffee first, I’m not going to waste such liquid gold. – I feel much more like my old self.
I haven’t written a word all week, but I hope that I will get something written down tonight. I think my separation from writing is also a factor. It is my therapy, and helps keep me grounded. I don’t have any real world friends in my life. Not the kind you can just pop round to visit or take for a beer, and so my writing is the substitute. Blogging helps to an extent, but fiction gives you that ability to do whatever it is you want to whoever.
If you have read this far through my post, I would like to assure you I am not some crazy man. A neurotic mess maybe, but crazy, certainly not. I am just …. sleepy.
Tomorrow we shall return to our normal broadcasting.
End of Rant
(You guys should have seen the profanity ridden first draft – first draft of this second draft)