I know that normally the ROW80 weekend update is done on a Sunday, but I have some things to say and intend on calling an early end to the week. Next week will therefore be gifted an eighth day. I am fine with that because I have big plans.
To summarize my week I only need one word, however I will treat myself to two…
… Double Bollocks
I still haven’t managed to write a word,.I have read but a few pages, and have been in an all around daze / foul mood. Although it has certainly improved as the week moves towards its close.
I struggled to put my finger on it all for a while, and while my Rant – I should have been more specific and said personal flagellation rather than society based rant – hit on the fact that I didn’t like giving up control in a situation, or rather, being excluded from a situation that concerned me greatly, it was not the sole source of my mood.
The last few weeks at work have been busy. I have far too much to do, and not enough time to do it in. I work for a rather flat organization in terms of personal growth, and the work that I do is in no way, shape or form what I consider to be fun, fulfilling or even vaguely motivating. Having a family to feed however, I go. I give my 100% 8 hours a day and then come home. I turn off and leave the office behind. What is done is done, what isn’t done will be done tomorrow. The past few weeks however, I have tried hard to make myself a better employee. Not that I was a bad one, far from it. I give my all every single day. But I tried to be better. I logged on at home in the evenings, I had half days of holiday every day this week (from Wednesday on) but still worked bits in the afternoon and evenings. I am now sure that it is this ‘give a shit’ attitude that has caused my moods. I do not turn off, work is always on my mind; deadlines, both pending and missed haunt my every waking thought.
To a degree I am ok with that, because I am after all an adult. I have three children and a house to support, I am the sole ‘salaried’ worker at the moment as my wife is busy raising our children, and suffice to say that my writing is not yet anywhere close to becoming the reality I hope the dream will one day be. I am currently selling books at a rate of 1 a month. Hardly a retirement fund. I am sure the stress I put on myself in this area and the success I demand of myself also contributes somewhat, but those writing based foul moods are more frequent but much quicker. Lasting perhaps an hour or so.
I digress…
I am to a degree willing to work like I have been. However, what do I get for my extra efforts? I am told that my extra hours – which I do not get paid for – are not believed. It was said in those very words, not even slightly hidden or less suggestive. Then, when I work from 7pm until midnight on a day that was supposed to be a vacation, having already worked most of the day, I am not told thanks or good work, but rather… ‘Make sure you do your work right.’ Which is a bizarre comment in itself as my accuracy has never been and I can assure anybody interested that it never will be, an issue.
So I am done with the new me. I will go back to giving my 100% 8 hours a day and the rest is my time. To spend with the kids, to spend on my writing. Time to drive those sales up. I mean reviews are all amazing, so it is just a promotional problem, or so I like to believe. I will spend time with my wife, and not be thinking about the next project on my to-do list. I will read and enjoy myself and not give a holy fuck about the office until the next time I set foot within its walls. Why, not only because my efforts are not appreciated, not because anything we do extra becomes automatically expected, but because quite simply… I do not give a damn.
I work to live, I do not live to work.
Ok, so this ROW80 update turned into a little bit of a rant also, but I make no apologies, and ask for no forgiveness. Not today, not after this week.
Official Site of Alex Laybourne - Author 
Your decision to give work your all eight hours a day then turn it off is sensible and commendable, Alex.
I did buy your book, I am enjoying it, you are helping me to become a better horror writer. I thank you for that. You’re making memories for your children and they have a full-time mother. You’re there for your wife.
You are truly doing a good thing and making an impact in the world. Believe me. I’m 67 years old and have regrets, but none of them involves not working enough.
Thanks Kenna, I am glad you like the book. Thanks for dropping by.
Oh Alex, remember to take pleasure in the good things, and not to dwell on the bad. I gave up the whole slogging my guts out for a thankless job a couple of years ago, and I don’t regret it. I am now trying to persuade my husband to tone down the work obsession a little, and enjoy some family time. You have made a great achievement in becoming a published author at a young age, and your family is a credit to you I am sure. Keep at it, and stay strong and happy.
I always enjoy the time with my family, but this year I am going to make sure I enjoy every second even more. Work harder (on my writing) play harder in life and just generally enjoy myself. Thanks for stopping by Catherine, it is always a pleasure.
Whilst I agree wholeheartedly with everything in the other comments, I could not help feeling a teensy weensy bit of concern at the ‘work to live, not live to work’ part of your post. Is there any way that you could change jobs to something a little more fulfilling… and perhaps more appreciated? Frankly your employers sound like b-…, I mean unpleasant people. Not saying that you should like or love everyone you work with, or for, but spending 8 hours a day with people who are actively unpleasant can be depressing to say the least.
I understand the need to be in full time employment but perhaps you could start making some discrete enquiries about other jobs? Life really is too short to waste 40 hours a week on nothing but a paycheck 😀
The strange thing is my boss is oddly approachable but just demanding I guess you could say. I am not actively looking for something else, but more because the two things I really want to do are not possible. The police force is one, but I have not got Dutch Nationality so cannot apply, and the base wage is beyond low for the training stage and with the family we coulnd’t even half way survive.
I work, I come home, for the time being it works. If I can find a job that allows me to write to some degree then that would be ideal, but again, living in a non english speaking country limits the english language work on offer. I keep my eyes peeled, and until then I am not necessarily unhappy where I am, but rather unfulfilled. The lack of appreciation is firs thing on the list I have for my upcoming yearly appraisal. The good thing about me is I am not afraid to speak my mind. Even in the office.
Thanks for commenting Andrea, your visits are always appreciated. Have a great Sunday
Where else can you rant if not on your own blog? Rant all you want because it usually makes you feel better, right?
I’m really lucky in that I do like my full time job. At least most parts of it. And when I have to work at home sometimes in our busy season, I am appreciated for it. I’m so sorry that you’re not. So I don’t blame you for turning that off and making it all family time when you’re not at work. It’s your employer’s loss. They should have appreciated you more!
Ranting is good for the soul, I actually have another blog I usually post those on. I know where you are Sir, visting that area a lot myself lately. My job is just a paycheck, even then it is difficult to put it all away. But we can do it!
I love a good rant. What is it that you do for the dreaded day job? You hit the nail on the head. It is a paycheck, a means to live the other 16 hours of the day with. Oh yes, we cannot let the bastards get us down. 🙂