Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my pleasure to be able to introduce you to a man I will be spending a lot of time with over the coming months.
He is the lead in my new novel Par 4 The Course. His name is Karsten Ford, he is a Police Officer, divorced with two daughters. His best friend – who you will meet later this week – is also his parter on the force.
With the introductions taken care of, I say “take it away Karsten.”
Who are your parents? I’d rather not talk about them if you don’t mind.
Do you have any siblings? What are their names, ages, predilections? None, I had a sister but she died before she was born. I was two years old.
What’s your favorite chore? Cutting the grass
What’s your least favorite chore? Don’t really have one, everything gets done in my house.
What do you do to entertain yourself? Now that would be telling wouldn’t it. I watch sports and I guess you can say I have an active social life.
Who is your best friend? August Stable. Me and him go way back
Why are they your best friend? We’ve known each other since we were kids. That man has rescued me from a bad path more than once in life.
Who is your least favorite person? I would say my wife, but that probably sounds a bit harsh So I guess I’ll say any politician.
Why are they your least favorite person? All their bullshit clogs the machine and makes it too easy for criminals to get away with it all.
Who do you wish was your best friend? I don’t need a different best friend, I have the best on already.
Who are you closest to? My daughters, they know almost everything about me.
What colors do you prefer? Red
What colors do you hate? Purple
Do you have a hobby? What is it? I cook a good meal, so I guess that’s a hobby, right.
What’s your fondest memory of growing up? Don’t go there
Which memory of growing up do you wish you could get rid of? I said don’t go there.
Where do you go when your angry? I got a few places.
What is your biggest fear? Whom have you told? Whom would you never tell it to? Why? Biggest fear, um… that would be something bad happening to my daughters. I haven’t really told anybody. I don’t talk much.
Do you have a secret? Can you keep it? We all have something to atone for. Right?
What makes you laugh? Jokes… get it. Um, no, I like a good laugh now and then.
Have you been in love? I thought I was once. I love my kids, but that’s something else right.
Have you had your heart broken? She thinks she broke it, but I’m tougher than I look.
What kind of clothes do you wear? Would you like to wear something different? Why? I’m a casual guy, I don’t get all dressed up much, but I do own a couple of suits.
Are there any smells or sounds that you associate with your childhood? If you mention my childhood once more than this is over. Seriously buddy, just leave that the hell alone.
What things do you own that you could never throw away? That would be easy to throw away? I have every report card and school artwork that my kids ever gave me. Every fathers’ day gift. All of it. It’s all stored away and will never leave my possession.
What do you consider your greatest achievement? My children, odd, seeing as how their mother was my greatest mistake. haha
What is your idea of perfect happiness? A good game on tv, a cold beer and a few buddies to enjoy it with, or a day with my girls.
What is your current state of mind? What? Come again… um, I seem sane right, I feel good. I was up for a promotion the other week but didn’t get it, but hey ho, that’s how it goes.
What is your favorite occupation? I love my job, I couldn’t do anything else.
What is your most treasured possession? It’s just something my grandfather gave me before he died. But let’s skip this.
What or who is the greatest love of your life? My girls
What is your favorite journey? um, I don’t think I have one.
What is your most marked characteristic? I’m kind of a moody bastard. That’s what Gus always tells me.
When and where were you the happiest? When I am with my daughters.
What is it that you most dislike? My ex-wife haha. I hate politics and all the red tape bullshit that seems to come with everything nowadays.
What is your greatest fear? That’s something just for me.
What is your greatest extravagance? I like cars, so buy a new one every year… or so.
Which living person do you most despise? There are a few local thugs, but that would be unprofessional of me. *Smile*
What is your greatest regret? I made a lot of wrong choices when I was a teenager.
Which talent would you most like to have? I’ve always said I could write one hell of a book, if only I know how to start.
Where would you like to live? I’m heading to the sun when I retire, Florida or somewhere of that ilk.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? *Silence* next question.
What is the quality you most like in a man? In a man… wait a minute there buddy. I like someone I can trust .
What is the quality you most like in a woman? I’ve done my bit of searching, at the moment I’m out for a bit of fun before I get over the hill. Right now I like a woman who is honest with herself, and looking for a good time. Doesn’t have to be just one timers, but nothing too heavy. Maybe one day I’ll look again.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? I’m kind of damaged… but… next question.
What is the trait you most deplore in others? I loathe men who beat women, that is one of the lowest things could do. Besides messing with kids.
What do you most value in your friends? Gus has always had my back, even when I told him to keep off, he always had my back.
Who is your favorite hero of fiction? I love Rambo, whatever that says about me. The guy don’t take no shit.
Who are your heroes in real life? I guess August. Just don’t tell him that.
Which living person do you most admire? That’s a tough one, I have to say that I have a great admiration for anybody who stands up and takes charge. Life will beat the shit out of you if you let it. Anybody who powers through and reaches their goals deserves my admiration.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Everything is overrated when used to excess surely.
On what occasions do you lie? One the occasions when it is necessary *wink*
Which words or phrases do you most overuse? I have spells, my newest coinage is Fuck Pigs, Ironic I know given my occupation, but what can I say, it makes me smile.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? There’s too much broken with me to change but one. So I guess I would just say I’d give myself a little but more patience.
What are your favorite names? Megan and Chelsea. They are my daughters names but were my favourites before they were born too.
How would you like to die? Kicking and screaming every step of the way. I’m not going down without a fight.
If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be? I’d come back as one of these lazy rich kids, whose parents did all the work and they just sponge off it. It would be nice to have an easy ride for once.
What is your motto? It ain’t broken til the bone shows. I can’t remember where i heard it for the first time, but it stuck with me.