Keeping a Journal

I don’t know if this is true, and have no real basis for the statement other than general feeling, but I don’t think that people keep a journal the way they used to.  If I am right, I find it a shame.

However, on the other hand, I personally do not journal, and there is a very good reason why.

As I mentioned in a post a week or so ago, I love words, and I love writing. Not just novels and stories, but the very act of putting words down on paper soothes me. Be it ink or typeface I don’t care.

I have purposefully never entered the world of journal keeping because if I did, I fear I would completely lose my grip on the world around me (my children excluded of course).

If I ever dared to start opening my mind and putting my thoughts down onto paper, I fear what may happen. I love the idea of it, but greatly fear what would become of me.

I have been spending a lot of time pondering things recently, spiritual things. Not in terms of God and Jesus, which is just cannot find any faith in, but rather the more natural way of it all. Spirits, Angels, Demons, Mother Nature, Zen, Meditation, the list goes on. I think that sooner or later I will go on a find myself mission, to see if I can answer the question of who I am. Keeping or rather starting a journal may well be part of that process, but when I start, I will be sure to advise those around me that I would need to be watched. I could easily get lost within my own words, within my own mind.

The more I think about it, and the more reasons I think of not to start a journal, the more I think I should do it. Maybe I need to.

My mind is known to run away, at great speed, taking not just one thought or idea, but a great many. I get serious headaches, even migraines at times, because my head is just too full or noise, of questions, theories, answers, but not to the questions I am thinking at the time, stories, plots, characters etc… I’m sure you get the picture.

I have always been a private person, I keep my real thoughts to myself. I am loud and brash in public, but what I say is nothing more than a generic string of sentences and opinions, that in essence reflect my view in terms of on what side I stand, but never delve into anything truly personal.

Maybe that is part of the problem. I fear that by putting myself out there, even in a private journal, I am opening up too much of myself. Perhaps I fear being judged, maybe I am just afraid of myself.

Perhaps journals would give me an outlet for it all, dare I say a way to find some sort of inner peace that I so crave.

Or perhaps I am just nuts. that is a distinct possibility.  OK, this post has gone off my planned topic again, and if I let it, it would run on and on, and I don’t think I… or you, are ready for that. So I will cut it off here, and return to my pondering.


5 thoughts on “Keeping a Journal

  1. I started a diary when I was 7 years old and still write in it at least once every few months now. However, some of my earlier years I wouldn’t care to reflect upon, so cannot bring myself to actually read what I have written in the past. It helped to write things down at the time as a way of ‘release’, but I do wonder why I still keep them neatly lined on my bookshelf when I don’t have the intention/inclination of delving inside. Maybe I will change my mind in another 20 years or so…
    Just something to think about 🙂

  2. I keep a journal. In fact, I have a whole pile of diaries that I kept all through my teenage years and continue to add my thoughts and reflections every so often now. I did store them in the loft, but recently got them down with the aim of using them in research or story ideas for future novels… I find it very cathartic to write in a diary, and someday in the future I might even let my daughter read them. Or I could use them to write my memoirs when I am famous! ; )

    1. I would love to keep a journal, but I have a genuine fear of what may happen to me if I do. I have a real fear that one day I will loose my mind, and become of these people who just writes everything down and has piles and piles of journals. I don’t know what it is, I can’t even really explain it, just a feeling I have. Journals are like a pandora’s box for me. Thanks for reading Catherine, it is always a pleasure to hear from you. 🙂

  3. There have been times in my life when I’ve had to ‘write out’ something that has been troubling me, but never in journal form. I guess I just dislike the idea of being regimented in any way. I guess my fiction is the closest I’ll ever come to putting bits of myself into words.

  4. The thought just terrifies me. I am afraid of losing myself, or of finding out that I am already lost. You know what I mean. I’m not a big socialiser in the teal world and keeping a journal would just suck me deeper inside myself.

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